March 8, 2021

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

In education and in leadership there’s something called a “deficit mindset.” To embody this kind of thinking is to focus on problems rather than potential.

Moms are both teachers and leaders, and we’re not immune to thinking this way. In fact, we may be more prone to thinking about the problems we need to fix day in and day out, which makes us more likely to laser in on the negative aspects of something and overlook the potential upside. Instead of planning a fun family vacation (post-covid), a deficit mindset thinks: “my baby won’t sleep in a hotel room/the room won’t be toddler proofed/my middle-schooler is going to be bored/my high-schooler will spend the whole time on her phone.” Regardless of the opportunity, something’s always wrong.

A deficit mindset also thinks “my kids can’t handle…” or “I won’t ever be able to…” When we see ourselves or others as deficient, we lower our expectations. This, then, creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. What was it that Henry Ford said? “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.” 

We don’t all operate in a deficit mindset, or even all the time, but it’s important to recognize this kind of thinking. In his quote, Marcus Aurelius calls our attention to the power of our thoughts. What we think informs how we feel, how we behave, and what we become. Imagine your soul dyed with—not the colors of your thoughts—but the thoughts themselves, the words. Would you be proud of what it says?